Synecdoche
by haunted-eternity
Summary: "What was once before you - an exciting, mysterious future - is now behind you. Lived; understood; disappointing." It was a quote Donna had memorized the day she heard it so she could repeat it back to him one night.


Jessica made her way down the quiet, empty, darkened hallway of Pearson Hardman. Harvey had returned her tea set as a peace offering, and she figured she would have to do the same. She was still angry at him, and somehow his assistant knew. She had probably been the one to tell Harvey to make the peace offering. After all, not a lot of things within this firm, or even the legal community, went on without the redhead's knowledge. That woman has some seriously good connections, Jessica thought to herself as she walked past the woman's empty desk.

She rapped her knuckles on the glass before opening Harvey's door, the soft sounds of jazz played as he stood by his basketball collection, facing the city view. He turned only to confirm what he already knew and picked up Kobe Bryant's basketball again.

"That peace offering, Donna's idea?" Jessica asked. She needed to confirm her suspicions.

"She didn't appreciate something that wasn't his, sitting in his office," Harvey shrugged.

"She's good. How does she know it's even mine?" Jessica said. She's was about to pick up a basketball herself when she saw a brief grimace pass through Harvey's face. Instead she took the ball out of his hands and stood facing him.

"She's Donna," Harvey shrugged. "I don't even want to understand how she knows all these things."

"Your thirteenth anniversary is coming up," she said knowingly.

"Of what?" he asked.

"Don't play stupid, Harvey. It doesn't suit you," she told him pointedly.

"She's already set the reservations," Harvey said.

"I thought you wined and dined her," Jessica said. She was learning new things everyday, apparently.

"I do. She picks the place, I drive, I pay," Harvey told her. He didn't really want to talk about his and Donna's annual ritual with anyone but Donna.

"Always the same place?" Jessica asked.

"It was Tavern on the Green until it shut down. Now we go different places. As long as I haven't taken the bimbos there. Her word, not mine," Harvey said. He stared at Jessica, trying to see the motive in her questions. "Are we done playing 20 questions?"

"Didn't know your relationship with your assistant would get to you, Harvey," Jessica said. She smirked internally, she had found the one thing Harvey cares about besides himself.

"Don't," Harvey warned. He would take a lot of things from Jessica: incur her wrath, appreciate her praise but Donna was off limits.

"Thirteen years is a long time, Harvey. God knows no one else would stick with your egotistical ass longer than Donna," Jessica said finally. She pushed the ball into his chest and held it there as he took it in his hands. "She's not going to be around to wait forever. And I'm sorry I was wrong the first time."

With the last parting shot, she exited the office and moved back to hers, done for the night.

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?" Harvey called out. His head stuck out of his glass office door, an eyebrow raised in question.

Jessica said nothing, but she turned back to give him a pointed look. Asking him to read between the lines.

* * *

"Thought I might find you here," she said as she slid onto the bar stool next to his. She looked at his attire and sighed. He wasn't in the middle class bar for nothing, she thought to herself.

"How'd you find me?" he asked. He took a sip of the mediocre whiskey in the tumbler glass and glanced over at her.

"Jessica called, said you might need some company tonight. This is the bar you go to when you want to immerse yourself in how the other half lives," she said. "It's where you go because no one from the firm will ever come here. It's too low class for any of the partners and too upper class for the associates."

"And you?" he questioned.

"I go where you go," she shrugged. He missed the shrug, but she had no doubt he knew she did it. They've know each other for 12 years. He should know how she'd respond to a question like that. She meant it both in the here and now as well as everything else in his life. She hadn't abandoned him back then, she wouldn't do it now.

The bartender made his way over and she pointed at Harvey's glass and the man nodded. She noticed the extra half-finger of whiskey he poured. It wasn't the first time her looks had gotten her somewhere with the bartender. She smiled thankfully. He wasn't her type, but she could appreciate a gesture when she sees one. After all, it was a Tuesday.

She took a slow sip, feeling the burn of the cheaper whiskey slide down her throat.

"Oh, god," she said as she put the tumbler back on the bar. "How are you drinking that?"

He shrugged and polished his off. He finally turned on his barstool and looked at her fully. She wasn't wearing her usual attire either. The jeans with the holes in the knees were a dead give away to what she had been doing before this: cleaning. He was sure that maroon shirt was actually a tank top underneath the zip up Harvard sweatshirt. A sweatshirt that looked familiar to him.

"You didn't go to Harvard," he announced suddenly.

"Can't get anything past you, Harvey," she deadpanned.

"That's mine," he said.

"You've been missing it for 7 years. I don't think you noticed it was gone. You have a whole drawer of Harvard and Harvard alumni things in your bedroom," she smirked.

"It looks better on you than me," he said.

"So that's the kind of line you use to bring the ladies home?" Donna asked. Her eyebrows raised in question and a smirk played out on her lips.

"Of course not. I don't come here to pick up women," he said. She thought he sounded disgusted at the thought but she found it funny anyway.

"Why are you here?" she asked. She had heard about Harvey and Jessica's spat. She had been worried but he had taken her suggestion and offered a peace treaty of bringing her tea set back to her from Hardman's office. She thought that was the only problem but the way he squirmed in his barstool told her it was something personal.

"Come on," he said suddenly standing up. He threw a couple twenties on the bar counter and waited for her to stand before moving towards the exit.

"Harvey," she called to him quietly.

"Not here," he said back.

She had figured they would be waiting for Ray to pick them up when he turned around the corner. She followed cautiously.

"Where's Ray?" Donna asked.

"I gave him a few weeks off," Harvey shrugged.

"You're willingly driving yourself? In your James Bond car?" she laughed as she saw the DB9 coupe around the corner in a safe parking lot. And by safe, she meant one that had a lot of lights surrounding it, a few cameras to scare off potential car jackers.

"If you're just going to make fun of me, I can leave you here," Harvey said as he unlocked his car.

"Fine, we'll do it your way," she huffed as she got into the car.

* * *

Instead of driving to his condo, like she thought he would, he drove to Pearson Hardman. She frowned at him, not sure if he should be going to try and work while looking like that. He hit the button for the 50th floor and they leaned against opposite sides of the elevator, arms crossed against their chests, one leg over the other. It would have been amusing if Harvey's face didn't look so serious.

Instead of leading her down the hall to his office, he made his way to the other side of the building, by Jessica's office. He took a magnetic key swipe out of his pocket and a door clicked open. And suddenly she realized that she had never known about this part of the building.

"Where the hell are we going?" Donna whispered. It was eerily quiet and dark in the building. If Harvey didn't have keys to the place, she would have been concerned for her safety... or her bank account since they'd probably be arrested for some kind of corporate espionage.

Harvey led her up a flight of steps and they encountered another door and Harvey slid the magnetic key through. Suddenly the sounds of the city were heard and he looked back to watch her face. He was absorbing the wondrous look that passed across her face as she took in the noise and lights from the view they had.

"Jessica likes to think up here. It's where I found her after I did that thing," Harvey told her.

"Have I mentioned that you're an idiot?" she asked as she walked over to the edge of the building. She placed her hands on the concrete wall that separated her from falling and looked back at him briefly.

"Not outloud, until now," he told her.

"So, what could you not tell me at the bar?" she asked. She felt him come up behind her and she closed her eyes for a second before opening them again and turning her head towards his.

"Jessica offered her own peace offering tonight," Harvey said. His voice was barely above a whisper, but he stood right next to her, so it was hard to miss.

"I get a vacation?" Donna teased. She never took a vacation unless he took one. The last one didn't even count because he was wining and dining a client in Hyaenas Port and he made her come along. Granted, the cottage was beautiful, it still did not count when she had to make phone calls to clients.

"That thing that we promised to never talk about until I was ready," Harvey began. He watched as she turned fully towards him, a look of disbelief on her face.

"No," Donna whispered.

"She didn't say it, but she made sure I knew that she knew what she was offering," Harvey said.

"What about Hardman?" Donna asked.

"She didn't out right say anything," Harvey said.

"She's the one who said no in the first place," Donna said. "Actually, you lead me to believe it was you and your lack of trust because of your relationship with your mom because of the whole cheating thing. But it was her, wasn't it?"

"That had something to do with it," Harvey told her honestly. "But Jessica said no. She didn't want it to affect my future."

"So, I could be there in a friendship and assistant capacity all these years but not as whatever we were going to be?" Donna asked. A chill rolled through her at the thought. She should have figured it out earlier, but she was too hurt all those years ago. And she didn't want his job opportunity to go down the drain because she didn't want to give him up.

"Don't put it on her. We wouldn't have lasted, Donna. You saw what I was like. Now that I've made senior partner, there's no where else to go. I've won all I can win," Harvey said as he stepped closer.

Before she knew what was happening, or how to respond, his lips were on hers: soft and slightly chapped from the wind that only came from being on the very top of the Pearson Hardman building, but soft nonetheless. There was a slight hint of cheap whiskey and a mint he had popped into his mouth when they had gotten into his car. He was better at this than she remembered, as he wrapped a hand around her waist and his fingers played with the hem of her shirt, under her sweatshirt.

"What are we doing, Harvey," she whispered into his skin as she leaned her head against his shoulder. They were both trying to catch their breaths. "Why now, after 10 years?"

"Because I can't trust you anymore than I already do, Donna," Harvey said.

They stood there for what seemed like ages. Her face was buried in the crook of his neck, little puffs of hot air escaping from her lips and warming his skin. He shivered more then once at the sensation and he no doubt felt the smile tug on her lips as he did so.

"What was once before you - an exciting, mysterious future - is now behind you. Lived; understood; disappointing," Donna quoted. When she had seen the movie, she memorized that line to use of Harvey when he had finally no where else to go, when he had made all his goals.

"What film is that from?" Harvey asked. It was refreshing to find she was still the film buff he had always known.

"_Synecdoche, New York_," she smiled. "Its still relevant, for both of us."

"Never seen it," Harvey said. He felt her head lift off his shoulder to stare at him.

"You spend your time in vague regret or vaguer hope that something good will come along. Something to make you feel connected, something to make you feel whole, something to make you feel loved," Donna whispered against his skin.

"Another line," Harvey laughed, mostly to himself.

"We're watching it when we get to your condo," Donna said. "It's on one of those channels I know you pay for and never watch."

"Because you're the one that comes over and watches them," Harvey pointed out.

"Come on, before the security guard gets enough blackmail on you and I, that I can't use any of what I have against him," Donna said. She pulled back from their embrace and grabbed his wrist before making him follow behind her.

* * *

"Mike knows," she told him suddenly. They sat on his couch, and she had done as promised, finding _Synecdoche, New York_ on one of his movie channels. She had started the movie sitting beside him, but then felt exhausted after the long work day and even longer emotional day. So, she had commandeered his lap for a pillow as he leaned back into his sofa. His hands were in her hair, fingering the fiery locks as he concentrated on the movies in front of them.

He looked down at her and he frowned, a crease making its way between his eyebrows and his lips turned down.

"What does he know?" he asked.

"He knows about you and me. Well, kind of," Donna shrugged.

"You want to explain that vague statement," Harvey said. It was more of a demand than a request.

"I told him what you did for him. You know, when you threatened Jessica it was a two for one deal. And then he explained the whole Rachel situation, and then he asked how they were supposed to work together. I said he needed to let her down gently and he wasn't convinced. And I had a really great idea at the time and I said that the feelings go away eventually," Donna rambled. She was tossing gestures around. Harvey had to lean his head back against the couch a couple of times to escape the wandering hands. "I'm caught in the middle, Harvey. I don't like the middle. I like being at one end or the other, you know that."

"Eventually?" he asked. "And you told Mike what I did?"

"God, Harvey. The kid was complaining you never did a thing for him. He was going to bad mouth you and I had enough," Donna sighed.

"Eventually," he repeated. It didn't escape his notice she didn't answer that part of his question.

"He looked like a wounded puppy. Or a boy that just witnessed me kicking his puppy. I wasnt lying to him. I'm sure the feelings go away eventually. How long that takes, I'll never know. It's a hell of a lot longer than the ten years we have had. What the hell was I supposed to do?" she said. At this point, she had sat up fully again, feeling the need to be level with him.

He looked at her through the soft, fading light in his apartment. Her breathing was shallow and she wouldn't look at him, even through all of this confessing.

"Damnit, they were supposed to have a chance," she whispered more to herself than him. But he had caught the words anyway.

"You can't play fairy godmother, Donna. Especially with my associate," Harvey warned.

"God damnit, Harvey. For once just think of him as Mike Ross, the kid. He looks up to you, despite all your flaws," Donna told him.

"I gave him my advice, I said what he needed to hear," Harvey countered.

"And in the copy/fax room?" she asked. "Was that advice too?"

"How…" he trailed off.

"I'm Donna, I know," she told him. She finally looked in his direction with a soft smile. "He connected the dots, Harvey. He has a brilliant mind. It wouldn't have taken him very long even if you hadn't given him your little advice column."

"Why can't I have one of those idiot associates? Like the one that used my can opener to open his tuna?" Harvey asked as he slumped against the couch.

"Because you only want the best. And let's face it, Mike's the best," Donna whispered.

"With or without the pretty paralegal," Harvey finished her sentence.

"Do you think one day they might get their chance?" Donna asked.

"I don't deal in what ifs, Donna," Harvey said. "You know that."

"I do know that," she nodded. Her head came to rest on his shoulder and she let out a deep sigh.

"Come here," he told her, his arm moving around her waist to pull her towards him. She landed facing him on his lap, her legs on either side of his.

"I will tell you that I am the only person who has understood even a whisper of you," Donna's lips quirked into a small, sad smile. "Are you sure you want to do this again? But for real this time?"

"You just have to have the guts to dive in, again. Do you?" Harvey said. His hands trailed their way up her arms to her shoulders. As he looked at her, he remembered the dark, twinkling brown eyes he got lost in all those years ago. It was the same look she was giving him now, he was half-scared to death, but he was lost in the memories.

"I'm not your mother, Harvey. I won't abandon you," she smiled softly as she reached one hand up to cup his cheek.

"Twelve years has already proven that," Harvey whispered.

This time it was her that initiated the kiss. It was desperate, like drowning in him would be the only way to save herself. He responded with equal ferver, his hands having a mind of their own as one grasped at her shirt, the other finding the nape of her neck and tangling his fingers in her red locks. Her spine is the first thing his fingers encounter as they sneak around the tank top and sweatshirt. But she is pressing his mouth open and there's no better feeling than the sensation of her skin pressed against his… even if it is only her mouth, for now.

"Bed," she whispered against his lips.

And that was all the incentive he needed to take her in his arms, her legs wrapped around his torso, as he carried them back to his bedroom. The movie playing on the television was long forgotten.

* * *

Harvey had woken up alone in his bed, as per usual these days. Even when he did go out with a woman and planned on getting laid, it was always a wham bam, thank you ma'am kind of deal. He had at least expected, maybe even hoped a little, Donna would still be next to him in the morning. He looked over at the pillow she had used last night and felt the bed next to him. It was still warm to the touch. He frowned slightly and listened to the noise in his condo. It was almost silent, but he noticed the light footsteps on the hardwood, the clank of his kitchen utensils hitting the counter. Throwing the sheets off, he stumbled into his bathroom and took care of his morning routine, including brushing his teeth before he stepped foot outside the bathroom.

"Good thing you don't work weekends," Donna greeted him as she sat on the barstool, her back to him as he made his way out of his bedroom.

"It's only 8 o'clock in the morning," he countered.

She turned, a small cup of coffee in her hands and she raised an eyebrow but said nothing. Instead, she hid a smile behind the coffee cup.

A knock at his door prevented him from saying anymore.

"I seriously need to move," Harvey said. It was the third time someone had come to his door in as many days. It was staring to get annoying, especially when he wanted to actually have a morning to himself.

He opened the door and sighed as once again Jessica came to his door, interrupting what would be breakfast.

"Can I help you?" he asked. Well aware he was talking to his boss essentially in his pajamas.

"Just came to see if you took my advice," Jessica asked.

"Yes, go away," Harvey said. He didn't really mean it in the sense to be rude. But it might have come out that way. He opened the door and watched as his boss walked in and looked like she owned the place.

"I'm going to change," he told her. He had to follow her to go to his room, and he pleaded with his eyes at Donna to just go with it.

"Good morning Donna," Jessica greeted. As if Donna belonged here, in Harvey's condo, all the time.

"Jessica," Donna nodded. "Can I get you anything, glass of water, cup of coffee, fruit?"

"Coffee would be nice," Jessica nodded.

Donna got off her stool and moved around the counter to pour Jessica a cup of coffee. Surprisingly enough, she added the sugar just like Jessica would have said to do.

"How do you know how I like my coffee?" Jessica asked as Donna handed her the cup.

"She's Donna, she just knows," Harvey said as he came out of his bedroom. He was dressed in jeans and a Harvard t-shirt. Probably the least expensive, laid back clothing he owned.

"Ah ha," Jessica nodded. She took a sip of her coffee, noting the perfect amount of sugar to liquid caffeine and sighed appreciatevly.

"So, can I ask what you're doing here?" Harvey asked. He leaned against the counter as Donna sat back down on her stool.

"Just wanted to see if you took my advice or blew me off like usual," Jessica said. "Looks like you took it, finally."

"We're back together or together finally. However you want to look at it," Donna pointed out.

"I didn't want that confirmed or denied," Jessica said.

"I'm just making sure you know, off the record. In case he's seen with a bimbo I don't know about," Donna told Jessica. She was teasing, everyone in the room knew Harvey's history. They all knew, once in a relationship, Harvey would never cheat.

"I told you I dropped her off at a bar of her choice and came to your place. It's your fault, you wouldn't come with me," Harvey said, giving Donna a pointed look.

"Because I had that thing with Louis I had to go to. And you left her because you had to tell me about the thing," Donna said. She could keep secrets better than anyone. If Harvey wanted the fight with Mike kept secret, she would keep it that way.

"Thing?" Jessica asked.

"For my mom and dad, for making me miss their anniversary party," Donna lied easily.

"I see," Jessica nodded. "I should be going. Lots of work to do."

"You need Harvey?" Donna asked.

"No, I'm just doing some paperwork. Making sure the office is perfect for when Hardman comes back," Jessica waved off Donna's offer. However, she didn't miss the look of disgust that passed over Donna's face. And, she was still getting over Harvey disobeying her direct order. She was sure Harvey had told Donna of her plans all those years ago. Donna was pleasant now, but Jessica was sure that was only because she was her boss, and her boss's boss. Sometimes it was hard maintaining friendships at the top.

Jessica set the empty cup on Harvey's counter and watched the two share a look. She excused herself and heard more than saw who was following her. When she reached the door, she turned to meet Donna's gaze.

"I just wanted to let you know, that what is in the past, is in the past," Donna said, her fingers clasping and tightening in reflex.

"I'm not saying I was right or wrong, but I appreciate that," Jessica nodded. "I still hope I can count on you to keep him in line."

Donna smiled and nodded, watching as Jessica disappeared behind the door.

"Eavesdropping, Harvey?" Donna asked as she turned around, spotting him just around the corner of the hallway.

"It's my condo," Harvey shrugged. "Didn't know you guys were friends."

"Didn't know you cared about our friendship or lack of one," Donna said as he came over to the door and pressed her against it.

"I don't," Harvey smirked.

"Breakfast," Donna sighed as Harvey's lips moved to her neck.

As she closed her eyes in satisfaction, she realized that maybe she never stopped loving Harvey. After all, her feelings certainly hadn't gone away in the last decade.


End file.
